Bug Off!

We are going camping this weekend. Yes, we are taking our not quite 4 week old camping. If you never see a post from me again, assume we didn't survive!

As I was making my packing list this morning, I got a little new-mom-paranoid about having an infant around Mosquitos. And then I remembered that a long time ago I had purchased citronella and lemongrass essential oils in order to make some outdoor candles. And I remembered seeing a pin for "natural baby-safe bug spray" on Pinterest. So I looked up the recipe.

Most recipes call for a variety of essential oils but they pretty much all agree on 3 things: witch hazel, citronella, and lemon grass. 

My thought process went a little something like this: Bummer! The only witch hazel I had was in the form of tucks pads; guess I won't make my bug spray for Levi! I don't have an empty squirt bottle anyway! But wait! What about bug repellent wipes? That's a thing right?

And so the invention of baby safe bug repellent wipes was created! I'm sure someone else has already thought of doing this, but I'm still pretty proud of my ingenuity.

So here is what I did:

Baby Safe Natural Bug Repellent Wipes

Tucks Pads (however many you'd like)

Citronella oil

Lemongrass oil

Now this is all you need, but you can add other oils if you'd like.  I happened to have lavendar (which is supposed to repel flies) and tea tree oil (which is super stinky but supposed to repel ticks), so I added them in as well! 

The recipe I read said 10-25 drops essential oil to 2 tbsp witch hazel. Since I was using witch hazel pads I really just eyeballed it and kept adding until the pads looked saturated. Since I only had a few pads left I just mixed them in their container and stored them there, but you can always pull out a more controlled amount and store them in a separate container.

So now I just have to test them out this weekend! 

The Camera Debacle and Newborn Photos

So for about two days I really wanted a nice camera. I asked around and did some research on dslr's. It felt like the mom thing to do.

And then we had our baby, and my mother-in-law was so sweet as To let us take her canon rebel with us to the hospital, and guess what. I think I took one photo the entire time. And in pretty sure I only took it because I felt bad that we'd borrowed it and not taken any photos.

So I changed my mind. I've always been horrible about taking pictures. The only reason I'm any good at it now is because it's on my phone and it's convenient!  My mother in law is great at capturing family moments and loves doing it.  My little sister has a nice Nikon and is an impressively self-taught amateur of photography (although graphics is her main thing; you can check her out here).  She has generously taken maternity and newborn/family pictures for us and she does an awesome job, and it's a lot of fun and low stress because she's my sister. 

So getting a nice camera may be a new parent rite of passage, but it's one I'm passing on at least for now.

Here are some pictures taken by my talented little sister:

A Delivery Story-Presenting Levi Ryan

As I eluded in my last posted, we had a baby!  Levi Ryan entered the world on Monday, June 23, 2014 at 10:59am via cesarean. And he was 8 lbs 20 inches of perfection. 

Surgery was scary the way any surgery is- a bright, cold, sterile room full of nurses and doctors and tables and equipment, looking much like a science lab.  I was nervous and excited and anxious and overwhelmed. It's quite strange walking into a room knowing that in about 30 minutes or less you'll have a baby. It's strange and wonderful! No matter how a baby is delivered, what a miracle!  What a gift from God! Not to be sappy, but seriously!

After about 20 minutes of pushing and pulling and pressure on my abdomen they pulled our baby boy out if my stomach where he'd been residing for the past 9 months. I could feel the pressure of his weight on my ribs and stomach immediately go away as they worked him down toward the incision. And then I heard, "we have a boy! Big boy!" And all I could do was cry! It was the most surreal experience of my life!

It seemed like forever before I could even see him, let alone hold him. They finally brought him around the sheet so we could see him and I watched and cried as they cleaned him and handed him to Ryan for the first time and then Ryan held him above my chest and I just watched and cried! It's so indescribable the emotions you feel when you meet your baby for the first time. You kind of feel like you know them after having them camped out in your tummy for so long but finally you get to see them. It's so unreal! I think I was mostly crying years of joy and relief but some of them were tears for the fact that I was still waiting, still waiting to hold my baby for the first time. That, to me, was the hardest thing about having a c section!

They sewed me up and carted me to the recovery room where Ryan and Levi were already waiting for me and I got to hold him skin to skin on my chest for the first time and then I got to nurse him! 

And now, long story short, he's here, our little 10 day old boy, sleeping in the other room, and we couldn't love him any more. 

A pre-delivery surgery story

Well here is a post I never posted! Life got a little crazy: here is a preview of our delivery story as written a couple days before my c section. I will update about the actual surgery and life as a new mom in between snuggles and feedings and naps:)

Yesterday I had my 39 week check up. It was seemingly normal- I waited in the office for forever, peed on a stick, had my weight taken, stuck out my arm to have my blood pressure checked, told them I'd been having light contractions that were waking me up at night and lots of cramping, heard the heart beat, had my stomach measured, and settled in to be checked. For anyone whose had a baby before, you know being checked is not a most pleasant thing. This was the second time I was being checked.  The first time at 38 weeks, was uncomfortable but fast; the doctor felt and said I was 1cm dilated and 60% effaced and that he felt the head.  This week the doctor took a little more time- "still 1cm, about 50% effaced, hmmm...that feels awfully soft", keeps feeling "awfully squishy".  I laid back gritting my teeth and squeezing my eyes shut hoping she was almost done and wondering what soft and squishy meant- was my cervix soft? Is that a good thing?  Then she told me she was pretty sure what she felt was not a head but a butt and that she wanted to grab the hand held ultrasound monitor to be sure. 

What? They've been telling me for weeks he is head down. I've been pushing on his "butt" as it juts painfully out of my upper right abdomen. Last week they even said they felt the head! What do you mean breech?

But the ultrasound confirmed it; our little guy has successfully dropped his booty way down in my pelvis instead of his head! I guess he doesn't like the thought of hanging upside down for weeks on end any more than any of the rest of us. 

When she told me we would need to schedule a c section for 39 weeks (this was my 39 week appointment mind you) I felt a bit lost. Where is my husband? I just need him to be here to help take this all in. I've been operating under the assumption that I could go into labor anytime, prepping mentally for contractions and labor and pushing. A c section? On Monday? 

I left in a fog, called Ryan and told him the facts before I started crying. The drive home felt like an eternity. I can't really explain how I felt. I know there is a lot to be thankful for here- modern medicine gives us safe ways to deliver breech babies, I found this out in time to schedule my c section instead of laboring and discovering last minute that I would be going in for an emergency c section, I won't be going past my due date or have to worry about induction, we know that we get to meet our little guy Monday, and I don't have to go through labor.

And yet that's the part I felt kind of sad about too. When she told me I felt overwhelmed and completely caught of guard, and scared because it is surgery, and sad.  Sad like I would be missing out or something. As much anxiety as I've felt about labor, I had started having false labor at night this past week, and it was exciting to think this could be it, exciting to think that when I do go into labor my body has to work hard but what a reward to hold my baby boy. I know to every mom who has ever labored for hours on end that probably sounds crazy, but I had imagined it one way and it was not going to be that way, not even close.  In my head it felt much less dramatic and exciting to go in for surgery and be handed my baby than to push and push and be handed my baby.

But it's not less exciting! On Monday morning I will go in for surgery and be handed my baby boy for the first time, and our lives will be forever changed!

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3

Attitude Adjustment- God is Good

I have been quite whiny and negative lately- my body hurts, and I am tired and uncomfortable and hormonal and emotional. My attitude and my perspective have been poor.  Today God reminded me through a blog post that a year ago, I was fatigued and nauseous and in a lot of pain and at the same time trying to be content with the possibility that I might never be pregnant and the possibility that I might always be sick and fatigued and in pain because having babies and good health are no guarantee on Earth.  Thinking back, I can't believe how sick I was, and for seemingly no purpose, and I remember looking at all of the pregnant women around me and having little sympathy on their pregnancy woes because I would have given anything to be morning sick or ready-to-pop-uncomfortable instead of being sick and being not pregnant.  And here I am about to have a baby!  I haven't stopped and really thanked God for that lately, but it really is a miracle.  I mean new life and pregnancy are a miracle for the healthiest of women, but I remember thinking back in September when I was about as sick as I'd ever been, that the thought of having life inside of me felt impossible because my body seriously felt like death.  So the lack of sleep, and the achy back and ribs and hips, and the nausea and discomfort are a true blessing, and whether he is here in a few days or 5 weeks (Oy! I hope it's not that long), I am thankful that my pain and my sickness are for such a noble and miraculous purpose right now, and I cannot wait to meet that purpose!

Psalm 16:6 The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

    indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.

Baby's Room

Updated picture of the baby's room since I finally talked Ryan into hanging the prints and mobile that my sisters made for our little guy! Feeling really ready to have a baby in my arms instead of my belly!

Nameless Update (because sometime you just can't think of a title)

Sometimes writing about life comes easily, but sometimes life feels like such a whirlwind that writing about it feels, well, a little overwhelming and confusing. That's kind of how life has felt recently, like a whirlwind.

We've had lots going on for starters- lots of tangible life events stacked one right after the other- birth classes, cookouts, my sister's graduation and moving her to a new state for a new job, high school graduation, visits from out of state siblings, baby showers-for me and for others, Mother's Day, and etc. And then there has just been a lot to physically done- at home, for the baby, with my husband and our families, for other people who are having babies, at work in prep for maternity leave, at Ryan's work because for some reason his work decided to be really busy right now, and etc. 

And then finally, my head just sometimes feels like a scary, messy, tornado of a place. Sure some of it can certainly be blamed on pregnancy and hormones but I think my thoughts tend toward the messy anyway- maybe that's why I feel so much need for organization in other areas of my life!  It's like all of the practical thoughts start swirling with all of the emotional thoughts and sometimes the result is that I don't even know how I feel or how I should feel or how I should want to feel. Does anyone else ever feel like that or am I on an island of crazy?  It's like my own thoughts start to overwhelm me and I feel like I am in agisnt game of tug of war that's taking place in the middle of a tornado, AND I'm the rope! One minute I feel steady and stable and equipped and excited about life and changes and friendships that God has given me and the next I feel utterly overwhelmed and anxious and weird about relationships like I'm failing or disappointing people and I just feel sad (sometimes I'm not even sure why). I know that much of this is because my hormones are throwing a crazy, all-out rave in my head and my emotions are taking the brunt of the abuse, but I'm learning too how much I still wrongly need the approval of others in my life. I thought if worked through a lot of thst, and (by Gods grace) I have, but it's still there-that striving to be enough, to measure up. It leads to a lot of pointless striving in my life and then usually to a lot of bitterness. Bitterness that people would expect so much of me and be disappointed with me even when I've done my best (and yes I realize that most of the time I perceive these expectations and disappointed and that they don't actually exist).

So anyway, that's how life has been- good, exciting, fun, encouraging, emotional, confusing, overwhelming, and hormonal. Haha! For all of you moms and expecting moms out there feel free to chime in and tell me I'm normal:)

I guess I will end this post with a few pictures (maternity pictures taken by my little sister Lyndi):

34 weeks

A little glimpse of baby's room behind me

36 Weeks