A pre-delivery surgery story

Well here is a post I never posted! Life got a little crazy: here is a preview of our delivery story as written a couple days before my c section. I will update about the actual surgery and life as a new mom in between snuggles and feedings and naps:)

Yesterday I had my 39 week check up. It was seemingly normal- I waited in the office for forever, peed on a stick, had my weight taken, stuck out my arm to have my blood pressure checked, told them I'd been having light contractions that were waking me up at night and lots of cramping, heard the heart beat, had my stomach measured, and settled in to be checked. For anyone whose had a baby before, you know being checked is not a most pleasant thing. This was the second time I was being checked.  The first time at 38 weeks, was uncomfortable but fast; the doctor felt and said I was 1cm dilated and 60% effaced and that he felt the head.  This week the doctor took a little more time- "still 1cm, about 50% effaced, hmmm...that feels awfully soft", keeps feeling "awfully squishy".  I laid back gritting my teeth and squeezing my eyes shut hoping she was almost done and wondering what soft and squishy meant- was my cervix soft? Is that a good thing?  Then she told me she was pretty sure what she felt was not a head but a butt and that she wanted to grab the hand held ultrasound monitor to be sure. 

What? They've been telling me for weeks he is head down. I've been pushing on his "butt" as it juts painfully out of my upper right abdomen. Last week they even said they felt the head! What do you mean breech?

But the ultrasound confirmed it; our little guy has successfully dropped his booty way down in my pelvis instead of his head! I guess he doesn't like the thought of hanging upside down for weeks on end any more than any of the rest of us. 

When she told me we would need to schedule a c section for 39 weeks (this was my 39 week appointment mind you) I felt a bit lost. Where is my husband? I just need him to be here to help take this all in. I've been operating under the assumption that I could go into labor anytime, prepping mentally for contractions and labor and pushing. A c section? On Monday? 

I left in a fog, called Ryan and told him the facts before I started crying. The drive home felt like an eternity. I can't really explain how I felt. I know there is a lot to be thankful for here- modern medicine gives us safe ways to deliver breech babies, I found this out in time to schedule my c section instead of laboring and discovering last minute that I would be going in for an emergency c section, I won't be going past my due date or have to worry about induction, we know that we get to meet our little guy Monday, and I don't have to go through labor.

And yet that's the part I felt kind of sad about too. When she told me I felt overwhelmed and completely caught of guard, and scared because it is surgery, and sad.  Sad like I would be missing out or something. As much anxiety as I've felt about labor, I had started having false labor at night this past week, and it was exciting to think this could be it, exciting to think that when I do go into labor my body has to work hard but what a reward to hold my baby boy. I know to every mom who has ever labored for hours on end that probably sounds crazy, but I had imagined it one way and it was not going to be that way, not even close.  In my head it felt much less dramatic and exciting to go in for surgery and be handed my baby than to push and push and be handed my baby.

But it's not less exciting! On Monday morning I will go in for surgery and be handed my baby boy for the first time, and our lives will be forever changed!

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3