What is Normal Anyway?

I catch myself talking about "normal" a lot, as if normal actually exists for a family with a baby.  Normal is changing for us more rapidly than it ever has before become normal changes rapidly for our now 2.5 month old.  His daily routine, how long he sleeps at night, how often he eats, what he does during wake time, what he likes and dislikes- these things have all changed multiple times since birth.  

I'm not sure how many days it takes before I constitute something as normal for us but it can't be very many (he hasn't really existed outside of the womb for too many days), but I keep finding myself craving normal.  

The past few weeks I've been waiting and watching for things to get back to "normal", and as I thought about the concept of normal with a baby I just had to laugh!  Our past fourish weeks have looked like this:

-Levi started a developmental growth spurt (also know as a wonder week) and was fussy and clingy and had trouble napping on his own or eating very well 

-in the middle of said wonder week Levi and I both got sick with a head cold throwing off eating and napping even further 

-wonder week 8 persisted through the cold and lasted a few more days

-I went back to work

-Levi had a physical growth spurt that lasted almost two weeks in which he wanted to nurse every 1.5-2 hours

-we had 1 day of "normal" before Levi hit another wonder week and started sleeping poorly and wanting to cling to me often and totally throwing off our bedtime routine 

     (^^^Just a random cute baby picture 

     for your viewing pleasure)

So for the past few weeks our normal has been, well, not so normal, and my expectation is that much of the next year will feel that way.  So here's to embracing the adventure of life with kids and allowing God to continue molding me in each stage of life!

Levi is 2 months!

I am once again almost a week late on this, but our sweet little guy is 2 months old already! This week has been an eventful one- we had his 2 month appointment and shots, Ryan travelled a couple days for work, and I went back to work and small group. 

-Levi weighs 12 lbs 4.5 oz and is 23" long

-He is still at about the 50th percentile for height and weight and 80th for head size

-He is mostly wearing 3 month clothes although he can still wear some 0-3 month and needs 3-6 month for sleepers

-He rolled over again at 8 weeks, this time from tummy to back during tummy time. He's been trying to repeat it since then but he just gets frustrated and lays his head down

-Laughing and smiling and talking are some of his favorite ways to communicate

-He has started interacting with toys a lot more

-He still doesn't love baths but he doesn't seem to loathe them like he used to

-We survived his first head cold

-He is pretty consistently sleeping 7-9 hours at night; his longest stretch has been 10

I've been reflecting a lot lately; I think a state of reflection might be my new norm.  These past two months have flown by! And with each passing day our normal changes a bit; babies just change so quickly. It's incredible how much I can enjoy him, even through the cryjng, and not sleeping sort of moments. I keep a lot of notes about our weeks (because I'm a nerd like that), and I've realized that when people ask I tell them how good everything has been, and I really mean it, but I look back at my notes and remember the nights we were up for several hours just trying to figure out how to make him stop crying and the long days in the beginning trying to figure out how to make him shut his big alert eyes and take a nap.  But it's only been 2 months and already that's not what I remember.  

I think that's how God views us, despite our sin and our mess ups, He enjoys us, far more than I will ever be capable of enjoying Levi. And while He knows all of our ugly, unpleasant moments, that's not how He views us. If someone were to ask our Heavenly Father how he views His children, He wouldn't have a list of all of the hard moments with us, He would tell them how much He thoroughly enjoys us simply because we are His! 

Levi is 1 Month Old!

This is a week late because apparently my attempt at posting failed:

We have a one month old! I can't believe how fast it's gone and how much he's changed already! Growth and change are bittersweet ya know.  Part of me is sad at how fast it's going and wants time to slow down for just a moment! The other part of me is so excited to watch him change and learn and hit milestones and grow!  I feel like he is huge, but we will have to wait until next month to see how much he's grown, either that or sneak him into a produce scale at the grocery store!😉

Here are some points to note about my one month old boy:

-Had his first camping trip at just shy of 4 weeks (and went through wolf cave with daddy in the carrier)

-Made it clear he was done being swaddled at just shy of 4 weeks (boy likes his freedom)

-Rolled over from back to stomach at 4 weeks

-Has some sweet male pattern baldness going on (hair was brown up until this point)

-Can take a bottle like a champ

-Is learning to self soothe

-Might be a thumb sucker?

-Read his first book yesterday- I Thank God For This Day

-Has blue eyes

-Has been too long for newborn sleepers for awhile and I think today will be his last day in newborn onesies

-Seems to enjoy daddy's whistling (good thing, better just get used to that)

-Likes car rides, stroller rides and being carried in the Boba

-Hates baths!

I did not put him down on his tummy^^

And a few more pictures from our one month shoot:

A Delivery Story-Presenting Levi Ryan

As I eluded in my last posted, we had a baby!  Levi Ryan entered the world on Monday, June 23, 2014 at 10:59am via cesarean. And he was 8 lbs 20 inches of perfection. 

Surgery was scary the way any surgery is- a bright, cold, sterile room full of nurses and doctors and tables and equipment, looking much like a science lab.  I was nervous and excited and anxious and overwhelmed. It's quite strange walking into a room knowing that in about 30 minutes or less you'll have a baby. It's strange and wonderful! No matter how a baby is delivered, what a miracle!  What a gift from God! Not to be sappy, but seriously!

After about 20 minutes of pushing and pulling and pressure on my abdomen they pulled our baby boy out if my stomach where he'd been residing for the past 9 months. I could feel the pressure of his weight on my ribs and stomach immediately go away as they worked him down toward the incision. And then I heard, "we have a boy! Big boy!" And all I could do was cry! It was the most surreal experience of my life!

It seemed like forever before I could even see him, let alone hold him. They finally brought him around the sheet so we could see him and I watched and cried as they cleaned him and handed him to Ryan for the first time and then Ryan held him above my chest and I just watched and cried! It's so indescribable the emotions you feel when you meet your baby for the first time. You kind of feel like you know them after having them camped out in your tummy for so long but finally you get to see them. It's so unreal! I think I was mostly crying years of joy and relief but some of them were tears for the fact that I was still waiting, still waiting to hold my baby for the first time. That, to me, was the hardest thing about having a c section!

They sewed me up and carted me to the recovery room where Ryan and Levi were already waiting for me and I got to hold him skin to skin on my chest for the first time and then I got to nurse him! 

And now, long story short, he's here, our little 10 day old boy, sleeping in the other room, and we couldn't love him any more. 

A pre-delivery surgery story

Well here is a post I never posted! Life got a little crazy: here is a preview of our delivery story as written a couple days before my c section. I will update about the actual surgery and life as a new mom in between snuggles and feedings and naps:)

Yesterday I had my 39 week check up. It was seemingly normal- I waited in the office for forever, peed on a stick, had my weight taken, stuck out my arm to have my blood pressure checked, told them I'd been having light contractions that were waking me up at night and lots of cramping, heard the heart beat, had my stomach measured, and settled in to be checked. For anyone whose had a baby before, you know being checked is not a most pleasant thing. This was the second time I was being checked.  The first time at 38 weeks, was uncomfortable but fast; the doctor felt and said I was 1cm dilated and 60% effaced and that he felt the head.  This week the doctor took a little more time- "still 1cm, about 50% effaced, hmmm...that feels awfully soft", keeps feeling "awfully squishy".  I laid back gritting my teeth and squeezing my eyes shut hoping she was almost done and wondering what soft and squishy meant- was my cervix soft? Is that a good thing?  Then she told me she was pretty sure what she felt was not a head but a butt and that she wanted to grab the hand held ultrasound monitor to be sure. 

What? They've been telling me for weeks he is head down. I've been pushing on his "butt" as it juts painfully out of my upper right abdomen. Last week they even said they felt the head! What do you mean breech?

But the ultrasound confirmed it; our little guy has successfully dropped his booty way down in my pelvis instead of his head! I guess he doesn't like the thought of hanging upside down for weeks on end any more than any of the rest of us. 

When she told me we would need to schedule a c section for 39 weeks (this was my 39 week appointment mind you) I felt a bit lost. Where is my husband? I just need him to be here to help take this all in. I've been operating under the assumption that I could go into labor anytime, prepping mentally for contractions and labor and pushing. A c section? On Monday? 

I left in a fog, called Ryan and told him the facts before I started crying. The drive home felt like an eternity. I can't really explain how I felt. I know there is a lot to be thankful for here- modern medicine gives us safe ways to deliver breech babies, I found this out in time to schedule my c section instead of laboring and discovering last minute that I would be going in for an emergency c section, I won't be going past my due date or have to worry about induction, we know that we get to meet our little guy Monday, and I don't have to go through labor.

And yet that's the part I felt kind of sad about too. When she told me I felt overwhelmed and completely caught of guard, and scared because it is surgery, and sad.  Sad like I would be missing out or something. As much anxiety as I've felt about labor, I had started having false labor at night this past week, and it was exciting to think this could be it, exciting to think that when I do go into labor my body has to work hard but what a reward to hold my baby boy. I know to every mom who has ever labored for hours on end that probably sounds crazy, but I had imagined it one way and it was not going to be that way, not even close.  In my head it felt much less dramatic and exciting to go in for surgery and be handed my baby than to push and push and be handed my baby.

But it's not less exciting! On Monday morning I will go in for surgery and be handed my baby boy for the first time, and our lives will be forever changed!

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3

Baby's Room

Updated picture of the baby's room since I finally talked Ryan into hanging the prints and mobile that my sisters made for our little guy! Feeling really ready to have a baby in my arms instead of my belly!