Leading up to last week I was not looking forward to going back. It's not that I don't like my job or the people I work with. That's not it at all. I love what I do (bookkeeping) and I work with awesome people! But I like being at home. I feel like introversion has become this popular thing to be lately, but it is real. And as a lifelong introverted homebody, I enjoy my home and my quiet. I've always been like that; in high school on Friday nights I used to prefer being home, maybe with a friend or two, but certainly not out at big social gatherings. But for me there is a very real danger of isolation and selfishness at home. Again, it's not that I don't enjoy people, I really do! I love small, intimate gatherings with people whom I can be real with and vice verse. But the longer I'm away from that, willingly confined to the walls of my home, the more easily I forget my need for people and relationship. My need is different than say an extrovert in that I don't realize I'm lonely and sometimes when I need to be around people I don't even want to be and I certainly don't feel like I need it. It's also different because I really do need that alone time, that home with just my small little family time, in order to be restored and refueled.
So I'd been dreading going back to work because selfishly and foolishly I had started to think that all I needed was inside the walls of my home in the country. And while I still love being home and my quiet time with just my family, and while I probably need more of that than the average woman, work is good for me, maybe even great! To see other people who love me and care about what is going on in my life helps me to stay balanced. And that's really what it is for me, for all of us-finding the balance-of what we want and what we need and what we need to do for others because this life isn't really about us anyway is it!
So my hope in working part time is that I wouldn't forget so easily my need for community and relationship. And my challenge is to figure out the balance of being in community and still protecting our alone time as well. Because it's not wrong that we need time to ourselves to refuel; God wired us that way, but when all of my time becomes time to myself then it's no longer refueling is it, it is simply selfish isolation because I don't have anything to refuel from!
